The Weekly Muck: NFL Picks from the Black Lagoon Week 12

Manning vs Brady this Sunday. Photo credit NFL 

by @Swampy_Swami (Gene Henke)

Hello everyone and once again welcome to the Week 12 edition of The Weekly Muck. Last week your favorite slimeball went 3-1-1 on the Mucky 5. The three wins consisted of the GMEN covering the spread in a rout while the Phins and Bucs both pulled the upset and won outright! The sole loss was when the Skins forgot to come to play in Philly and despite the terrible start, did make a game out of it in the end but it wasn’t enough to cover. The 49ers ended up in a push when they were robbed for hitting Drew Brees too hard and the Saints squeaking a win out via field goal as a result. My god how soft is the game getting today when a hard earned sack fumble can be called against the defense as a penalty? Back in the day that hit on Brees would have been glorified and replayed on the highlights as a great play instead of a controversial penalty. Sheesh, sometimes this patty cake version of the NFL we watch today makes the SwampMan sick, which is hard to do! As we head into the home stretch of the season we are starting to see the playoff picture take form. I don’t know about you, but as a fellow football freak I am pumped for these next couple of weeks! Without further ado, I bring to you this week’s five winning picks straight from the sleaze, deep in the heart of the swamps. Enjoy!

ST LOUIS RAMS -1.5:

The Rams are coming off a bye week after pulling a HUGE stunning upset over the Colts in week 10, in Indianapolis nonetheless. The Rams came to play two weeks ago and put together a complete game when they were rolling on all cylinders. They scored via offense, defense, and special teams and surely angered a lot of Americans knocking them out of their survivor pools. The Rams seem to be hitting stride a little too late in the season but do not tell them that. The scary part is they are much better when defending their home field and everything finally seems to be clicking. Their first round draft pick Tavon Austin finally made his mark and was relevant when he scored two touchdowns. Lookout as this kid can be a serious weapon moving forward. DAA BEARSSS on the other hand are moving along nicely despite the fact that starting QB Jay Cutler is sidelined. Backup Josh McCown has been simply superb in the meantime filling in the spot as the Chitown gunslinger. However the SwampMan believes this is inevitably going to crash and burn and come to an end. Chicago got lucky last week to salvage an overtime win against the Ravens. I blame this on the fact that the weather caused the game to be delayed an hour and a half allowing DAA BEARSSS to rework their game plan that had them down 10-0 early in the game. When DAA BEARSSS roll into St. Louis this weekend, I believe Josh McCown and company are in for a long day. That pass rush consisting of Chris Long and Robert Quinn will be in McCown’s face and will wreak havoc throughout the matchup. I like the Ram’s corners to lockdown DAA BEARSS’S wide receivers effectively and frustrate McCown into a couple of costly turnovers. On the other side of the ball SwampDaddy loves the matchup of the Ram’s offense versus Chicago’s defense. The fact that Chicago cannot stop the run whatsoever plays perfectly into the fact that the Rams love to pound the rock.  That being said I like Rams running back Zac Stacy to have a HUGE day. Take the Rams at home to get the dubbya.

CLEVELAND BROWNS -1:

Next we have a divisional matchup on deck when the Pittsburgh Steelers come into Cleveland to take on the Brownies. The Steelers were in quite the battle with the Detroit Lions last week and were able to come out on top of the sloppy matchup in Pittsburgh. They now travel to Cleveland to face the Browns who are off of a blown 13-0 lead against the Cincinnati Bengals.  The Browns’ defense played great and were victim to their offense’s inability to score combined with its special teams letting up huge turnovers that resulted in points. I think the Browns get back on track this week and treat this one as a mini Super Bowl at home against their big brother. Brown’s cornerback Joe Haden is a straight STUD. This guy has the ability to take out the opponent’s best wide receiver for the entire game via one on one matchup. He displayed this when he was able to lock down one of the league’s best AJ Green in both of their matchups this year and eliminate him almost entirely. That being said I expect him to take out one of the Steeler’s only weapons Antonio Brown this weekend leaving the Pittsburgh passing game pretty much helpless.  The Browns are one of the best run stopping defenses in the NFL and they will shut down the Steeler ground attack with ease. I am a big fan of Brown’s wide receiver Josh Gordon and think he is one the best in the game. However since he is on Cleveland, he is unsurprisingly underrated. Campbell soup is able to throw the deep ball which is Gordon’s bread and butter. After watching Megatron torch the Pittsburgh secondary last weekend, I think Gordon gets his on Sunday. In a nutshell, both of these teams still have distant playoff hopes and will be ready for war this weekend. I will take the overall better team in this one, the Brownies. Did I just say that?

HOUSTON TEXANS -10:

Man oh man if somebody were to say that the Texans would be as bad as they have been this season before it started we would have checked them into a facility. They have been as bad as it gets dropping eight straight games. That has to be pretty damn frustrating huh?! However, they have shown that despite all of the injuries they can still be effective at times. They may finally be able to get the loss monkey off of their back when the lowly Jaguars come into Houston this weekend to challenge their manhood. This is just the kind of matchup that the doctor ordered to get back on track a bit this season and salvage some respect before it is over. The Jags have been playing better but are still a terrible team overall. I think while at home, the Texans will take out some built up anger and frustrations on the poor little Jaggies this weekend. They still have an angry pass rush led by freak of nature JJ Watt. Call me crazy but I foresee him getting to QB Chad Henne a whole bunch of times on Sunday. The Houston passing game should have plenty of success as well against the extremely weak Jacksonville secondary. Veteran wide receiver Andre Johnson was not shy when expressing his unhappiness after the upset at home against the Raiders last weekend. Luckily his anger was pretty much directed at QB Matt Schaub who won’t be starting the game on Sunday. That being said, young QB Case Keenum will be sure to find Johnson early and often to make sure the leader of this team is happy and pro-Keenum moving forward. I think Keenum makes it rain on Sunday and the Texans win by double digits to finally get off the schneid.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS +2.5:

Here it is ladies and gentlemen. The long awaited rematch of the two best Quarterbacks of this generation. We got another head to head faceoff between the two legends on prime time football. It doesn’t get any better than this. The Sherriff Peyton Manning heads into Foxborough to take on his nemesis Sir Thomas Brady. I have been saying it to all my fellow swamp creatures since last week; the Patriots will be beaten by Carolina and then defeat the Denver Broncos right after they served Kansas City their first loss. It sounds about right doesn’t it? Only times will tell, but here is my thought process: This is the first time the Pats are dogs at home since the 90s and you better believe they are not happy about it. They are the kind of team that takes something like that as a slap in the face and uses it as extra motivation to prove that it was indeed a mistake. The Broncos are banged up after last week. Wide receiver Wes Welker suffered a minor concussion and beast tight end Julius Thomas took a shot to the knee, they are both listed as questionable. While they both may still play, they will not be 100% if they do. Bronco safety Rahim Moore will also be out this week as well as veteran cornerback Champ Bailey. While this was okay last week against noodle-armed Alex Smith, it won’t be against Mr. Brady. The bottom line here is that the Bronco defense is good yes, but they are not great by any means. They can be scored upon and teams have been able to do so this season. The way the Patriots were able to make adjustments last week and find ways to score against an amazing defense in Carolina, which just goes to show how good they really are. They will get the running game going with Boo Ridley, and Brady will pick apart the Broncos secondary with now healthy weapons Gronk and Amendola. Basically, Swampy predicts that Manning will struggle with the injuries to his receiving core and Patriot cornerback Aqib Talib limiting receiver Demaryius Thomas. These factors combined with facing the genius of Bill Belichek and his defensive sets will result in quite the chess match for Peyton. This is going to be one for the ages folks! Take Belichek and Brady with confidence here, they will be ready. This pick will serve as the Swampy Spoiler of the week! Pats pull the upset!

***BLACK LAGOON BONUS PICK - WASHINGTON REDSKINS +6:

I know, I know, you got to be joking right? They are playing the 49ers! I am well aware of this and also the fact that the Deadskins have been playing like doo-doo. However the 49ers are not as dangerous as they are perceived. They have been struggling this year as well and have been fortunate enough to still defeat the teams that they should beat anyway. I really think this league has come to figure QB Colin Kapernick out. The shock factor that was there last year is long gone. If you have watched the Niners lately you can see that he is not playing as comfortable as he used to be. I think defenses are throwing complex packages at him and confusing him immensely at the line of scrimmage and he is running around like a chicken with his head cutoff as a result relying solely on his athletic ability. That being said I think the pass rush of Orakpo and Kerrigan don’t make things any easier on him on Monday night and force him into some mistakes. While the Skins have pretty much blown their chances at making a playoff run this season they will still love nothing more than to get a home win on Monday Night Football against a respected opponent like the Niners. While that is highly unlikely, there is no reason that they shouldn’t be able to score some points and keep this one close and exciting. They have been able to run the ball effectively this season. No surprise there as that is what Shannahan led offenses do, probably a little too much. However the Niner’s defense hasn’t been too strong when stopping the run and this should open up the play action for RGIII to do his thing. There have been some conflicted stories in the media questioning the leadership of RGIII this past week and I think he makes it a point on Monday night to put these rumors to bed. This guy has been known to thrive in the spotlight and Swamper believes he will finally do so on Monday when everyone least expects it. This one will be a lot closer than the average human thinks. There is nothing Swampy loves more than a home doggie on Monday Night Football, take those points!

Alright everybody that about does it for this week’s version of the Mucky 5. I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I did writing it. As always feel free to tweet me @swampy_swami with any questions you may have regarding the games above or any of them that aren’t listed here and I will get back to you as soon as possible with my slimy insight. I know the picks above are ugly ones, but have faith as the SwampMan shall do you no wrong! Enjoy the games this weekend and I will be back same time same place next week after feasting on some sludgy turkey! That being said, Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Yours Truly,

Swampthing